The Sands of My Time

sana naman....

after spending some months in blogspot, musta na kaya ang friendster blog, i wondered.  may upgrades na kaya?  so here i am checking in to see for myself.

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mukhang wla namang nabago. same old, same still. pero itutuloy ko na rin ang pagbo-blog.

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can't think of anything to write but the most recent event of course.

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star city.

i'd been there a number of times. and i would always choose the enchanted kingdom (EK) over it. kse mas thrilling ung rides, mas nakakatakot and mas nakaka-dare.  viking versus anchor's away, wala ng sinabi ang viking. sumigaw and nakitili na rin ako for the sake of just having fun. and tawa ko ng tawa after every sigaw. hahaha. OA nga e kse ung pagsigaw ko e exagg sa totoong nararamdaman ko. hehehe. dahil pag kino-compare ko sya sa anchors away, parang half lng ng paghalukay sa tyan ko ang nagagawa ng viking. pero na-enjoy ko pa rin ang pagsigaw and ang pagtawa. sarap.

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blizzard, i wasn't planning to ride on it.  kase pambata. mas trip ko ung cyclone loop.  pero mas astig pa rin ung space shuttle sa EK kse 2 loops un. isa lng sa cyclone loop.  pero since gusto ng mga kasama ko, go na rin ako. walang kaba, walang thrill, puro sakit lng sa katawan. so ang sigaw ko every time na tumatama ung dangling earrings ko dun sa safety strap (?) e "aray ko! aray ko! aray ko!" at hinde "ahhhhhhhhh, mama!!! ayoko naaaa!!!!" o diba, wala tlgang thrill. nada. sayang ang 30mins sa pila. hehe.

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nasa pila pa lng kame ng blizzard e nakikita ko na sa labas ung (is it) star walker? tingin pa lng na-thrill nako.  i've always dreamt of riding on a ride like it.  wala sa EK ung ganun and wla pa rin sa star city un the last time i went there.  sya ung ride na parang space shuttle/cyclone loop ung dating but this time, e nakabitin ung seat.  so lutang ung paa mo sa ere. awwwwww....astig un!!! pero sadya atang mapaglaro ang tadhana (haha! panalo ang phrase!), tinigil ung ride na un dahil sa ambon. and nung huminto na ung ulan, sira naman! darnit! darnit! darnit!

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so ung thrill and ung satisfaction na winiwish kong maramdaman that time e hinugot ko na lng sa...........HORROR HOUSE!!! hahaha! magugulatin kase ako and matakutin din so un, thrilling na saken ang horror house. hehe. actually, ung 2 horror houses na andun e pinasok namen both.  :D  kawawa lng ang nasa paligid ko.  either panay hila ang damit or in dana's case, matapakan and matanggal ung slippers. haha. soriiiii.....

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pinasok din namen ung snow world.  twice. dati syang ice world. konting revisions lang. nilagyan ng slide, in-OA-han ung lamig, nilagyan ng "snow"-covered artificial trees and background, ayun, snow world na sya. first pasok, disappointed tlga ko. kse parang naging mabilisan lng ung pangyayari kse nagvi-violet na raw ung paa ni dana. haha! second pasok, inenjoy na namen. and suuuuper nasiyahan naman ako sa pagslide sa "snow" kuno. nag-enjoy ako sa slide and for sure, nag-enjoy din sila sa panonood ng pag-slide namen!  hahaha. di ba noh?!?!?

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ung dino world, dating lion king. di na namen pinasok. malamang ang mabago lng e ung mga displays.

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little mermaid.  very relaxing after a series of sigaws and thrills from the horror house.  "up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun...wanderin' free, wish i could be ---- part of that world"  and i looove the intro lines of this song:  "maybe he's right. maybe there is something that matter with me. i just don't see how a world that makes wonderful things....could be bad."

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one more sentence before i end this post: babalikan ko ung star walker (?)....and sana naman next time, e wala na kong balat sa a$$. haha!

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postscript: sana e sa mga iba pang future lakads, buo pa rin ung limang andun.  kaya SANA naman po, magbati na silang dalawa, Z&J. ang petty kse tlga ng dahilan eh para forever silang war or indifferent sa isa’t isa or para putulin ung bond nila. hinde naman po ako nagpaparinig dito.  hinde tlga ah.  hihihi.  :D

kasalanan bang humingi ako sa langit ng....isang himala???

my new outlet: http://tagged.com/privatejing  

so your emails won't be bothered by all this nonsense.  au revoir, friendster blog. you've been a great friend....an eveready, ever-there confidante.  thanks so much for absorbing these all in.  i do appreciate it. arrivederci.

o diba, nagba-bye pa tlga khit sa blog! praning ka tlga pre!  :D

kakainlab

and I could listen to this song ovah and ovah again……

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COLLIDE by Howie Day

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The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
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I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
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Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
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I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
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Even the best fall down sometime
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
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Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
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You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Both Sides Now

For my younger and (literally) little sister, you won’t get anything from watching TV, be it a soap or a reality show.  She deems it baduy when you are religiously watching those series.  But I am a TV lover…an avid follower ng Bahay ni Kuya (PBB) *blush* and a certified aficionada of Korean tv series *blusher still*.  I AM a TV lover that it makes me awake til mornight.

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In contrary to her thoughts though, I actually learned a lot from those shows.  I realized and/or learned……

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…that in this present time, the world got a bunch of evil people while only a handful of the good ones.  Or if not evil people, then maybe people who tolerate wrongdoings.  Wendy making it in the Big Four proved that.  Despite the abrasiveness of her attitude, a lot of people still “supported” her.  Well, that is if what they (the PBB mgt) said was true and that there was really no hocus-pocus involved.

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…that the world now found a way on how to easily justify their sins and just dismiss those as,uhmmmmm……“white sins” which I derived from the word “white lie”.  Yung tipong nili-lighten naten ung mga kasalanan o kahit ung masasamang attitudes naten.  Like if kumuha tyo ng pera sa bulsa ng ating mga magulang o ng kungsinoman, “kupit”, “dukot”, “denggoy” lng un at hinde “nakaw”.  And yun na nga, pag konting kasinungalingan lng ginawa mo, “white lie” lng un at hinde “lie”.  At kung at least may isa kang bisyo, “cool” ka.  Parang kay Wendy.  They described her as babaeng “palaban”.  Pero duuude, there’s a big difference between being a “palaban” and being a “palaaway”.  & Wendy should fall under the latter.  If you’re just defending yourself, palaban ka, but if you’re the one initiating the argument or fight, dude, palaaway ka!

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…na totoong tao ka lng if pinapakita mo kasamaan ng ugali mo or kung paano ka magalit ng todo at pag pinakita mo ang worse side mo, otherwise, plastic ka na?  DUH?!?!??!

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…that there are persons who got no plan at all to change their bad side.  Yung tipong, “Eh, eto ko eh.  Tanggapin mo.  Kung di mo matanggap e nasa sayo na yun.” Inis na inis ako sa mga taong ganun.  Arogante.  It’s not like naman na hinihingi mong magbago sila para sa sariling kapakanan mo noh.  It’s actually for their own good.  E di kung ayaw nila, e di wag din.  Keber mo ba nga naman kse?

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…that there are persons who pledge their care, or even love, in front of you yet do/act otherwise behind you.

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Coming up with the above realizations finally shattered the rose-colored glass through which I see life.  Or maybe the rose color just gradually fades over time and that it fades a great deal each time a close encounter with the ugly side of the world was met head-on. Each time I deal with lies and non-truths (I despise lies.  They have my utmost hate, just so you know), with ka-plastikan, with anyone who are sanamagans in one way or the other, and with every other worse thing you could name.  Yeah, the rose color turned water-clear now.

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“I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know life at all”

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Those “kabaduyan”?  They have somewhat become great eye-openers.

A Manic Monday....with a touch of morning dramaness

Visualizing the moderate-to-heavy traffic that awaits me, I woke up, or should I say, got up a little early than the usual.  Because it's monday. I moved as if I was the main character in a movie - only in a fastforward motion.  That and the bath minus the scrubbing, the one and only after-bath ritual – the applying of lotion - was minused as well.  All the little things that I normally do but can still survive through the rest of the day even without doing so, I had dismissed them.  Because it's monday.

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So i got to the kanto a little early. And was able to get a ride a little early too. But that all-too-passenger-greedy driver spoiled all the little-earliness of this day! There we went to a longer route just for the vacant seats to be filled!  Not to mention that he was driving like he was transporting a lifeless body on to his final resting place. Only with the occasional beep-beeps to catch the attention of those wanting to get a ride.

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Hay nakoh manong, wla namang pasaherong sumasakay eh! E kung di sana kayo nagcu-cutting trip, e malamang kanina ka pa puno!!!

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But the Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes within always gets the better of me.  So those words were unsaid, of course.  All the driver got from me was the frequent TSK!!! and * deeeeeeep sigh *

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E, (excuse me for the term but I just want to say it) putsa! Natrapik pa kame dahil sa tumirik na truck na  yan! Bad trip! Kng di lng kse dumaan tong driver na to sa daan na yun eh! E pero ano pa nga bang magagawa ko. Khit gustuhin ko mang bumaba at pababain na ung driver at ako na lng mag-drive, e di ginawa ko na. Kaya lng…..hinde nga ko marunong mag-drive diba?!?!

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Which reminds me, kelangan ko na nga palang matuto na mag-drive. Hay. Isang bagay na gusto ko tlgang aralin pero wla lang panahon. At wlang kotseng tipong-pasabugin na pwede ko pag-praktisan. Para khit mabunggo ko e keber ba ng may-ari. Hahaha. Sama e noh. Basta. Kelangan ko na tlga matuto. Kelangan. Kase…………  ;)

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So I reached the office 3-minute late!!! Still within the grace period but still late! Ewan ko nga ba. Ang weird din naman kse. Dito, wla kang salary deduction if pasok ka sa grace period pero considered late pa rin un. Ewan. Pero extended lng siguro ang “grace” nila in monetary terms.

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Kainis. Ayoko pa naming nale-late dito. Di kse to gaya ng dati kong opisina na keber ko ba kung ma-late ako.  Weno ngayon kung bawasan ako ng 71 pesos kahit isang minuto lng late ko. Kebs ko rin ba sa sasabihin ng koreano kong bossing kung umabsent ako just for the mere reason na tinamad lng akong pumasok! Wala akong pakialam nun, sa trabaho at lalo sa bitchy na bossing ko! But now is a totally different case.  It’s a major turnaround. May pakialam ako. May concern ako. At isa dun e ang hinde ma-late! Kaya bad trip lng na na-late pa ko dahil sa kagagawan ng iba. Oh well, di naman din tlga kasalanan nung driver na dupang sa pasahero, but still……ang naaksayang 20 minutes e di ko din naman fault.

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Aaaaaaah……Mondays!

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And then, just a few, few minutes after I comfortably tucked my butt on my chair, I was informed about the wrong order! 40 units! Bull. It wasn’t my fault nor the supplier’s. It’s actually internal and the fault fell on our sales person. Hay. Of course I couldn’t just cancel the 40 units of HDs just like that.  After going through the searching of whose supplier has stock and could meet the deadline, the haggling and all. Ganun na lng un? Pagtapos kong magdemand sa supplier na ideliver samen tong items na to on or before this date or else you-know-what-will-happen-next. Pagtapos kong ngaragin sila para madeliver un asap. Ganun na lng ba un?!?! Shoot! Di ko kayang cancel-in un. So naubos ang umaga ko at 2 hours ng hapon para lng maayos ang lahat.

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Aaaaaaahhhh……Monday na Monday!

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O baka kaya nga siguro ganun kase Monday na Monday and I desperately needed those shakes to keep me alive, errrrrrr, to keep me awake, I mean.  Perhaps I did need them to shake off any traces of Monday sickness flowing through my veins. And they did well!

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Hay. Kamiss mag-blog ah.  Ano pa nga ba pwede masulat?  Oh yeah, the morning dramaness.  I could liken it to a beautiful sunset.  Lamo un. Yung tipong parang nalulungkot ka lng bigla nang wla naman tlgang dahilan. Yung feeling na parang nakakita ka ng isang magandang sunset. There is always the feeling of undefined sorrow.  Probably because of the fading and the dimming light?  And yet, just the same, you feel glad cause you are a witness of such beauty and grandeur. Para nga tlgang sunset ung early dramaness na yan. Nakakalungkot kase tapos na yung isang chapter na yun sa buhay mo yet masaya rin kase kahit pano naging parte ka ng mundo na un. Khit pano nasubukan mong gumalaw, mabuhay at sumabay sa ikot ng mundong un, na dati-rati e parang malayong imahinasyon lng at di parte sa realidad ng buhay mo. Maiisip mong maswerte ka na rin kase kahit pano nakatungtong ka sa mundong pinapangarap ng marami na marating pero hinde lhat e nabigyan ng pagkakataon. Malungkot na masaya. Sunset na sunset! Ayos sa illustration! Haha.

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“It’s just another manic Monday.  I wish it was Sunday.  Cause that’s my fun day.  My I-don’t-have-to-run day.  It’s just another manic Monday.”

Eleven Minutes

“Today, while we were walking around the lake, along that strange road to Santiago, the man who was with me – a painter, with a life entirely different from mine – threw a pebble into the water.  Small circles appeared where the pebble fell, which grew and grew until they touched a duck that happened to be passing and which had nothing to do with the pebble.  Instead of being afraid of that unexpected wave, he decided to play with it.

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Some hours before that scene, I went into a café, heard a voice, and it was as if God had thrown a pebble into that place.  The waves of energy touched both me and a man sitting in a corner painting a portrait.  He felt the vibrations of that pebble, and so did I.  So what now?

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The painter knows when he has found a model.  The musician knows when his instrument is well tuned.  Here, in my diary, I am aware that there are certain phrases which are not written by me, but by a woman full of “light”; I am that woman though I refuse to accept it.

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I could carry on like this, but I could also, like the duck on the lake, have fun and take pleasure in that sudden ripple that set the water rocking.

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There is a name for that pebble: passion.  It can be used to describe the beauty of an earth-shaking meeting between two people, but it isn’t just that.  It’s there in the excitement of the unexpected, in the desire to do something with real fervor, in the certainty that one is going to realize a dream.  Passion sends us signals that guide us through our lives, and it’s up to me to interpret those signs.

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I would like to believe that I’m in love.  With someone I don’t know and who didn’t figure in my plans at all.  All these months of self-control, of denying love, have had exactly the opposite result: I have let myself be swept away by the first person to treat me a little differently.

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It’s just as well I don’t have his phone number, that I don’t know where he lives; that way I can lose him without having to blame myself for another missed opportunity.

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And if that is what happens, if I have already lost him, I will at least have gained one very happy day in my life.  Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle.”

walang kwentang payo sa sarili

With no better thing to do, I came up again with another list.  Things I would have to remind myself over and over again ‘coz I always break them!

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Mga Payo Ko sa Sarili:

-          Matulog ng maaga.  Kahit man lng 11:00 para di nagrereklamo sa eyebags and dark circles under eyes!

-          Matulog nang maaga. Para hinde nahihilo at sinusumpa ang bawat paggising sa umaga kung kelan humihimbing ang tulog.

-          Wag uminom ng kape sa gabi para makatulog ng maaga.

-          Wag mag-stick from 1-10 sa sariling listahan ng ideals sa buhay.  Dahil hinde lahat ng bagay eh nangyayari nang eksakto kung paano mo sya pinangarap.

-          Makinig ng radyo o manuod ng entertainment shows sa tv para naman updated kahit pano sa mga OPM songs na yan at di naeengot.

-          Bawas-bawasan ang pagka-adik sa friendster.  Nang di laging nakatutok sa computer at mapahinga ang mata.

-          Wag pumunta sa mall pag sale. Para hinde tumataba ang wallet sa bills ng card!

-          At higit sa lahat, bawas-bawasan ang pag update ng blog! Para naman hinde nabubulabog ang emails ng friendsters!  Hahaha!

The Truth....

…and nothing but the truth.

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Some people would rather hear lies and live with it than be confronted by the painful truth.  Let’s just say that I am not one of those some.  I am, in fact, a questor of truth.  Reality will shake you a little, and sometimes, it will hurt you like hell but the shock will only be momentary.  It’s not like it’s gonna blow you forever.  At the end of the day, after you get through the sudden impact the reality brings, you will realize that nothing still beats the sweetness of the naked truth.  They often say that what you don’t know can’t actually hurt you.  And in a way, they’re right.  But don’t you just love it when truth presented itself to you and you realize that you were actually able to deal with it?  It happened to me years ago and with much effort, I tried to embrace it.  And I must say that I did a very good job on that.  From then on, the fear of knowing what I don’t want to know forever left me at peace.  And after quite some time, I found myself thanking that little encounter I had with reality.  After all, that little serendipity had saved me from greater regrets and deeper pains.  So for a friend who’s going through the same road now, here’s one piece of advice I could give: When truth hits you, no matter what and no matter how, just bravely accept the blow. 

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Looking back now, I can relate to Paulo Coelho’s quote: “The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

“They Wouldn’t Let Me!”

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

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A woman was trapped on the top floor of a burning building.  Flames and smoke blocked every way of escape.  When firefighters arrived, one of the men scrambled up a ladder to the window where the woman was screaming for help, and with outstretched arms he offered to save her.  But when she looked down and saw the great distance to the ground below, she panicked and drew back into the room.

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The man attempting the rescue begged her to trust him for her safety, but his pleas were not heeded.  In senseless fear she retreated beyond the fireman’s reach.  Finally, being forced to return to the ground, he said with tears in his eyes, “I did everything I could to save her, but she wouldn’t let me!”

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Those words made me think of the spiritual peril facing so many people.  Jesus longs to forgive their sins, but they stubbornly resist His offer of salvation.  By refusing to trust Him, they are like the woman who perished in the flames even though she could have escaped.

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Dear friend, right now believe on the Lord Jesus!  He invites you to come to Him (Matt. 11:28).  Don’t be among those of whom the Lord must say, “I did everything I could to save them, but they wouldn’t let Me!” – Richard De Haan

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“Why do you wait, dear brother?

The harvest is passing away;

Your Savior is longing to bless you,

There’s danger and death in delay.” – Root

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Faith is the hand that receives God’s gift.

case-to-case basis. pero kung si ano rin lang……

……heaven ito! Uuuuuyyyy… :D in your dreams, pare…IN YOUR DREAMS!!! Hahaha.  “Mangarap Ka!” uli!

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Dapat kase pag gantong Wednesday ng holy week at wala ng ganong ginagawa ang mga tao sa opisina at excited sa 5-day vacation ahead, dinedeclare nang wala ng pasok.  Ayan tuloy……nauwi na naman ako sa friendster surveys.  Hehehe.

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1.anong nakasulat sa suot mong tshirt ngayon?

~ "Kamiseta" sa isang maliit na etiketa sa gilid

2. anong oras na?

~ 10:45 am

3. ano favorite mong gawin pag bored?

~ magbasa ng kahit na ano

4. anong pinapakinggan mo ngayon?

~ boses ng mga officemates ko

5.anong nararamdaman mo ngayon?

~ inaantok at oo, bored

6. anong gagawin mo pag may sumampal sayo ng walang reason?

~ makakatikim sya ng sampal.....na may reason! hahaha!

7. anong itsura mo pag nalalasing?

~ di pa ko nalalasing buong buhay ko. at nacu-curious ako.

8. anong gagawin mo pag nakakuha ka ng Php1000 sa kalsada?

~ yehey! Dagdag pambayad sa card!!! Hahaha.

9. anong balak mong gawin tomorrow?

~ magbabasa ng 2nd-hand na book na nabili sa book sale

1o. anong brand ng huling sapatos na sinuot mo?

- celine

11.kelan ka huling sumakay ng car/fx/taxi

~ kaninang umaga lang

12. umaakyat ka ba sa bubong ng bahay nyo?

~ last kong akyat e nung nagmuni-muni ako. sobrang tagal na.

13. marunong ka bang lumangoy?

~ medyo. pero treading, hinde!

14. nakapunta ka na ba sa gateway mall?

~ opkors!

15. ano huli mong kinain?

~ jolly hotdog na taco something

16. nakasakay ka na ba ng cyclone loop sa star city?

~ honaman! pero mas gusto ko pa rin ang space shuttle ng enchanted...miss it!

17. madalas ka bang makita sa baywalk?

~ nah

18. nakakanta ka na ba sa videoke?

~ syempre naman. pinoy ako eh!...mahihilig kumanta kahit wlang tono! :D

19. nakapasok ka na ba sa UP Diliman?

~ oo. nung dinadamayan namen sa pag-ii-stalk yung college barkada ko sa bf nya na nambababae! ahahahaha!!! don't u miss those times, f----???!?!

20. anong katangian mo ang maipagmamalaki mo sa mga tao?

~ matiyaga -- kase nakatiis ako ng 2++ years sa mala-demonyong Koreano kong bossing! hehe

21. makulet ka bang tao?

~ sobra. sabi nila.ewan ko nga ba.

22. magaganda ba kanta ni babyface?

~ sinuyun?!!?!

23. e ng destiny's child?

~ ok lng

24. naexperience mo na ba na maglakad habang umuulan?

~ hinde lng naglakad....tumakbo pa! ahahaha.

25.magaling ka ba magscrabble?

~ average. di ako ung nag-eexcel pero di rin naman ung kulelat

26.mahilig ka ba sa movies ni Jackie chan?

~ kinda. un ata ung pinamana ng mama ko saken e

27. ok ba sayo ang long distance relationship?

~ case-to-case basis. pero kung si....ano rin lng un, ay inday, hinde ako magdadalawang isip, sobra pa sa OK!

28. kelan ka huling namili sa sm?

~ kagabi lng sa mega. pagkain! Hehe. Itanong mo kung ano ung nakuha kong free!  Timex sports watch worth Php 2,290! O ha!

29.anong gagawin mo pag may biglang humalik sayo ng hindi mo alam?

~ tulad ng sagot ko sa #27, case-to-case basis. pero kung si ano rin lng un, magba-blush ako sabay ngingiti! waaahhhh! baduuuuuy.... hahaha!

30. Describe mo nga mga friends mo?

~ ok sa awryt

31. may nagregalo ba sayo nung bday mo?

~ oo

The Joy That Pain Brings

Before, there was this Christian guy who told me this: “Minsan mas masarap yung nasasaktan ako kase mas parang nararamdaman ko ung pagmamahal ko dun sa tao.”  Obviously, he was pertaining to his love life.

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“Huh? Bat mo mas gustong nasasaktan ka pag nagmamahal ka.  Ayaw mo bang maging masaya kasama sya?  Mas masarap ung ganun di ba?  Weird naman nito.”  But of course I didn’t voice that out, for some reason.  I said that only to myself.

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I found his words weird then.  Siguro kase hinde ako nakaka-relate.  But now I can.  Not in the same area though.  If his is love life, in my case, it’s my spiritual life.

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Come to think of it, it’s really easy to come to the Lord and call unto His Name when we are down, troubled, financially broke, physically weak, hurting or let’s just say……when there are “bumps” on the road.  We instantly cry out to Him.  But when we’re through traveling the rocky places, yes, the “bumps,” we tend to set aside God.  We’re like, “Ok, Lord.  Nice ride.  Just see You til the next bump.” And the fire and your hunger for Him will eventually ebb.

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I am saddened lng kase I see myself in that situation for quite a long time now.  And here are the proofs:

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-          my prayer time/quiet moment with God is now down to 2-5 minutes.  It used to be 10-30 minutes.

-          In church, I find myself not listening to the gospel.  The messages couldn’t just touch me deeply.  Before, they even reach the very core of my being I often cry.

-          I used to blog about faith, even about our church’s theme song, but now, well, my blog says it all. When was the last time I posted an entry under the category of faith?  Can’t even remember.

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So last night, I found myself uttering, “Parang nami-miss ko ata si Lord,” to my sister and my cousin. And the time before I fell asleep was spent thinking of the tough times He and I had shared and had gone through.  I smiled thinking of those times. Indeed, there’s a joy that pain brings.  And I miss Him.

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Here was my last night’s prayer:

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Dear God, let not the fire of my spiritual life slowly die.  Teach me to hold on to Your hand much tighter now that the storm has ceased.  You had carried me through the tough times, took the cross I was supposed to bear…..thank YOU.  Now that I’m back on my feet again, I need You more.  So please don’t let me walk on my own.  I’d rather go through the pains again and feel/experience You than be out in the bliss and need You no more.

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Then it hit me.  The time we need the most to cling tight to the Lord is not at the time when we need Him the most, but at the time when we feel we need Him the least……cuz it’s at that time we are most likely to drift away from Him.

Message Concealed

so she had read it.  the B-------.  in a strange way, it felt like a spark of hope.  and her mind raced wildly to the newborn dream she knew was ridiculous that she had kept it only to herself.  without really knowing why, her heart leapt a beat…then another beat. and another. then another until her heartbeat became faster and faster it felt like she was being chased by some unknown factor.  the eagerness- the thrill - was just so strong it was almost physical. deep down she knew she shouldn’t feel that way. it was just too-too impossible to happen. and she knew it.  yet the feeling was there.  she was thrilled still.

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in life, sometimes, all you need is just a little something to look forward to - whether it happens or not - cuz it makes life more exciting.

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p.s. the problem in writing a private entry in a public blog is that you have to learn to write vaguely.

so is love, dear…so is love!

“……sometimes the very thing you’re looking for is the one thing you can’t see”

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so says the song.  and I figured that it’s true. most of the time actually.  just when you needed something, like a pair of scissors you kept in your drawer which you haven’t laid your fingers on for centuries, suddenly it’s nowhere to be found. you get tired, hair totally messed up, strength drained, patience emptied, and so you give up the search.  then, as if the heaven pitied you, it opened and dropped that thing just under your chair.  what the…?  and that is one shallow example.

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goes for “non-material” things too.  and this is the deeper sense.

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maybe looking for lost things or things we desperately want to have is like chasing butterfly after all –- the more you chase the lovely creature, the more it eludes you.  sit down and next thing you know, it’s right there sitting on your lap and you find yourself staring at its beauty.  up close.  just like love.  haha.  very well like love.  it comes knocking right at your door when you least expect it.

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cliché but true.  and it happens all the time. J

sleeping while walking slash walking while sleeping

Isn’t it so hirap to wake up in the umaga when you are so utterly antok and so kulang of sleep and yet you have to bangon and iwan the comfort of your bed so you can prepare urself for work?!??!?  Demn. 

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Isn’t it nakakainis when you are trying to catch some sleep in your entire byahe and all you get is just a super mild tulog for you’re kinda worried that you might wake up in a different lugar (AGAIN?!?!!) should you really fall into a deep sleep?  Double demn.

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Sleeping while walking…walking while sleeping.  That’s how I would describe myself on my way to work this morning.

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But on the positive note, ain’t I maswerte that God woke me up and that I am able to get up from the bed while some people are bed-ridden and that I have a work to go to while some don’t have and are still searching for one?

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Ow God, I’m not really making reklamo naman here eh.  I’m only describing how it feels being sooooo antok and yet have to stay gising.  And this is how a person (specifically me), in that given state, writes a blog-- TAG-LISH!!!!  Hahaha! Yun yun eh!!!

The good life of an MTRCB-Card-Holder buddy

Had been watching a lotta movies on the big screen in the past week.  Last half of The Messengers.  Last 2/3rds of The Promise.  Full-length, thank goodness, of Music & Lyrics.  And I enjoyed Music & Lyrics the most, not because it’s the only movie that we watched full-length (hehe), but that it’s really cute.  Cute story, cute theme song, cute actor/actress. Light love story. Very drew-barrymore.  Typical western romantic film. 

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Fifty First Dates is cuter I must say, but Music & Lyrics is worth the watch even so.

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WAY BACK INTO LOVE from Music & Lyrics

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I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

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I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need ‘em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

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All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

Oh oh oh

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I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

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I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not just somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

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All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

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There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

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All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

on great authors

There are only two things that normally eat my time on my daily LRT ride from Santolan to V.Mapa: 1) the free tabloid the early bird gets at the station, and 2) the usual wandering of the mind.

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Today, I’m not one of those early birds (but not late either) so I boarded the train tabloid-less.  The lady seated right next to me had one and so I took a peek to see what’s the news.  Inside are pictures of Michelle Madrigal with the headline something like “Edad ang naging problema nina Michelle at Victor Neri” (what’s this? Another breakup?), Rochelle the Sexbomb with this caption below, “Nagsosolo na nga ba?”